Finances [Man Talk]

It has taken way too long, but I'm finally getting around to the man talk on finances.  Ricci and I are right in the middle of the Radical sermons/book so I may have a Finances part 2 talk afterwords.  We're reevaluating our financial situation right now. In the mean time I wanted to talk about the basics. I'm going to use "man" language so if you're a girl reading this, don't be offended.  There's no swearing, I just not gonna sugar coat anything.  Man Talks are meant to be honest whether or not they make you feel good.

  As a Christ-follower, we are called to tithe.  I think a lot of people are not properly explained what this means, so I'll attempt to break it down here.  Tithe literally means a tenth (or ten percent).  If you receive income, you owe God ten percent back through the church.  This helps provide for the needs of the church and the pastor.  When I say "owe" I mean that ten percent is the baseline minimum that we should be giving.  If you don't tithe will it keep you from salvation?  Will God send plagues to eat your flesh?  Um...that's silly.  I mean God has the power of plagues so He could do it if He wanted.  And honestly if you are unwilling to give God back ten percent of what He has trusted you with, you might want to really question your salvation, but finances tend to be more a question of obedience and your attitude toward God.
Note: I'm going to talk about our family's finances a little here. Not with numerical detail but in regards to things God has laid on our heart and how we've responded.  None of this is to brag, but just an attempt at transparency and what God has done in us.

See, God gives us everything we have to begin with.  Our jobs, the money from those jobs, the food, clothes, cars, places to live we pay for with those jobs, etc.  We don't own any of that stuff.  The Bible says that you and I are stewards of it.  God has trusted us to use those resources wisely.  When you shift your thinking from "God why do I have to give you my stuff?" to "God thanks for everything else you provide us with!" it makes it a lot easier to give.

This is where we start to really be tested. Ready?  When you see that God is still providing for you in spite of that ten percent, He will often challenge you to give more.  This is what we call "offerings".  He commands us to give ten percent to the church, but often he wants us to give more.  It's very easy at this point to once again say, "No God.  That's my 90%. You said you only needed 10%!"  How selfish of us!

We cannot outgive God. Try it.  Ricci and I give our tithes from the gross on our paychecks (before taxes, etc.).  I don't say this to brag, just to share our conviction.  The point of the tithe is like the first fruit offerings from the Old Testament.  God wants our first and best, not the rejects and leftovers. God then laid on our hearts to give a higher percent than ten for every paycheck.  It made us nervous.  It made me sweat a little, because we don't make that much when you count up the cost of rent,utilities, etc.  But we obeyed, and you know what? God provided for us.  He gives us enough to live on.  Another reason we give tithes and offerings on the gross is so that if there's a tax return we've already given God his share on that.

I had this idea that "Hey since I've already tithed, that money back is ours to spend how we like".  We were thinking about getting a nice new computer.  Ours is getting old and Ricci could use the new one for some blog design and photography processing. God laughed at me.  I didn't think that was very funny.  I had already given God his due and more right? Shouldn't we get to spend this on whatever?  Apparently not.  God laid a cause on our hearts that used most of that money.  At first we were frustrated but God totally blew us away.  Besides providing for our needs (this wasn't really the question since we were going to buy a computer), He allowed us to help someone out and in turn be encouraged and blessed in spirit beyond what we could have hoped for.

Some of you may be saying, "After I pay all of my bills, I don't have ten percent left over for God." There's a couple of things wrong with this picture:

First I don't know that God demands we give out of our gross (though you would then have to tithe from your tax return or the money you owe the IRS), but if these are part of our first fruits to God (besides our hearts, attitudes and other intangibles) then we have to make tithes and offerings non-negotiable. No question, we do it.  The easiest way to do this is to give tithes and offerings as soon as you get paid.  That way what you're left with is what you get, and you don't have to worry about spending what's God's.  Sometimes Ricci and I forget the check book at home or something like that.  We're not the perfect example.  But we make it a point to remember and not spend our money down to the point that we cannot give to God.  Factor it into your budget so that it's already taken out of your expendable money.

The second problem with the previous statement: If you've given God what's his and then paid your bills and you're finding that it's hard to make ends meet, you might need to reevaluate your spending.  I'm not saying it's always easy.  Sometimes God will put people in situations where we have to rely on others to help us.  But before you put yourself in this category look at what you're paying for.  So much of what we spend the money God has entrusted to us is unnecessary.

Going out to eat? please. Cable? come on. Internet? not essential. Cell phones? you could go without it if you needed to.

There are other things too, but there's no way I could write everything here. I'm not saying these things are bad or sinful, just that you wouldn't die if you gave it up. Sometimes we are doing great and then God asks us to give to something up.  If you can't afford it, chances are you're going to have to sacrifice something.  We recently had to give up netflix.  We didn't want to.  I drug my heels. But the Holy Spirit kept telling me to get over it.  That's just one example, but you kinda get the idea.

These aren't just suggestions for married people either.  In fact if you're a single guy and you don't tithe now, what makes you think marriage will change that?  You need to be an example to others and if a godly woman looks at you and sees you aren't tithing, she should move on because you are not showing her that you can lead your family in the area of finances.

So in closing:
Give God what's His: At least ten percent, but possibly more.
Make giving non-negotiable.  It's a command so do it. Simple.
If you're giving properly and the ends don't meet, see what you can cut.

 I could give lots of other advice on saving money, but that's a whole other subject.

Orevwa (Haitian for goodbye)

Man Talk: Qualifications for Elders

I got an email from my pastor this week that detailed the qualifications of being an Elder listed in the Bible.  As Christian men, these are things that we are supposed to strive for.  This week I figured I'd just list some of the stuff from that email, because it's worded much better than I could say it. 

Titus 1:5-9  Titus 1:5 This is why I left you in Crete, so that you might put what remained into order, and appoint elders in every town as I directed you-- Titus 1:6  if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are faithful and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. Titus 1:7  For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, Titus 1:8  but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. Titus 1:9  He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.  

 

1 Timothy 3:1-7 1Ti 3:1 The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. 1Ti 3:2  Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 1Ti 3:3  not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 1Ti 3:4  He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, 1Ti 3:5  for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? 1Ti 3:6  He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. 1Ti 3:7  Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.

And here's a summary of the qualifications laid out in those verses.  Men, think about these.  Pray that God will show you how you can improve these areas in your lives.  These are practical qualities that we can all work on.

The first 15 deal with moral issues:

1. Above reproach.  - literally means "unaccused". “Reproach” is to bring down. If we are "above" reproach, then there is no justifiable way to be brought down by accusation. That is the key to this position, because even Jesus was accused, and so was Paul among others. So, it is not just that one be without accusation from anyone for anything, but that there be no justifiable reason for accusation of wrong.
2. Sober-minded – This refers to the ability to think clearly and spiritually about important matters with balanced judgment.
3. Self-controlled - He must also exhibit self-control over the desires of the flesh, and have the discipline of patient, and wise judgment.
4. Respectable – Literally able to be respected. This is by others both inside the church and out. He must have a character that others desire to emulate and follow.
5. Hospitable – His life must be transparent and accessible to others. It requires that his home is open to minister to the needs of others. It is an “others-centeredness” that follows his Christ-centeredness.
6. Not violent, but gentle – Kind, gracious, fair, mild, appropriate. He is patient with others, never returning evil for evil. He should not be easily irritated or have a temper problem, whether displayed physically or verbally.
7. A lover of good – Loving others and desiring their good. As Jesus said, “only God is good”, therefore to love good, is to love God, because all that is truly good comes from God.
8. Upright – Being a pursuer of righteousness and desiring to live according to God’s Word. This man will be able to make righteous and fair decisions in the church.
9. Holy – Pure and undefiled and set apart for God to obey His will.
10. Disciplined – literally means “strong” or “having power over”.  This is self-discipline in all aspects of life, and is shown in his fight against ungodliness in his flesh.
11. Not a drunkard - There should be no abuse of substance that would bring shame to the church. Dependence on these things contradicts self-discipline.
12. Not quarrelsome – He must be able to defuse disputes in the church and not add to them with his own opinions. He must be a peacemaker, always seeking to be a minister of reconciliation.
13. Not a lover of money – Scripture says you cannot serve both God and money, and the love of money is the root of all evil.
14. Not be arrogant – He must not be a self-focused person, always insisting, boasting, or manipulating to his own desires. He must, like Christ, consider others more important than himself. God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
15. Not be quick-tempered – To be slow to anger and abounding in love is to be like the Lord who deals patiently with sinners.

The next 3 are situational qualifications:

16. Able to teach – This is the primary distinguishing mark of the office of elder relating to his duties in the church. He must be able to accurately handle the Word of truth, and know it well enough to be able to rebuke those who contradict sound doctrine. This duty is essential in maintaining the spiritual health and growth of the church. This is not necessarily referring to public preaching, but does require the aptitude to communicate truth to others, individually or in groups, for the glory of God and the good of the church.
17. Not a recent convert – When a recent convert assumes an important role in leadership, he may succumb to the temptations of pride to the detriment of the church.
18. Well thought of by outsiders – Outsiders are non-Christians before whom an elder must maintain a good reputation. The opinions of outsiders should be of utmost respect for the elder based on what is known through their relationship.

The next 2 qualifications relate to the family of the elder

19. Husband of one wife – This does not mean that an elder must be married. If that were the case it would disqualify the writer, Paul, not to mention Jesus from being an elder in a church. This phrase refers to the man’s faithfulness to his wife once he is married. Elders are to lead in setting the example for devotion to their wives. Obviously, this prohibits polygamy, but does not necessarily exclude a man who has remarried after his wife dies or an unbelieving wife divorces him.
20. Manage his own household well– relates to a man’s role as a father and his relationship to his children. An elder must have respectful and obedient children. If he cannot manage his household, then he cannot manage the household of God.  

Man Talk: Fundamentals

  For my first Man Talk Thursday (I know it's Friday but I started writing it last night), I wanted to start with the basics.  There are so many things I want to talk about that it's hard for me to organize them and put an order of importance on them.  So I'll start with the problem and the prerequisites for how we fix it.  This is long so take a big breath.

Here's the issue:  Where are the men?  Specifically in the church.  A large majority of the faithful church members in America are women.  Most of the members who serve in a ministry are women.  Don't get me wrong, women need to serve as well, but in the Bible God clearly sets out leadership as the role for the man.  We've sissified the way we do worship and even the way our churches are decorated to accommodate women, because that's who mostly attends.

The next book I want to read is one we mentioned a couple of times recently in "The Man Class" at church, called Guyland by Michael Kimmel.  Here's the synopsis which does a pretty good job of defining the problem, even from a secular standpoint:

The passage from adolescence to adulthood was once clear. Today, growing up has become more complex and confusing, as young men drift casually through college and beyond—hanging out, partying, playing with tech toys, watching sports. But beneath the appearance of a simple extended boyhood, a more dangerous social world has developed, far away from the traditional signposts and cultural signals that once helped boys navigate their way to manhood—a territory Michael Kimmel has identified as "Guyland."

Coming from somebody who just recently graduated from college, I definitely understand the appeal of this "guyland" we've created.  In the past as a boy grew older he was given more responsibility and eventually became a man.  But now, you don't really have to if you don't want to.  A variety of issues have led to growing up not being necessary until a male is almost thirty if they choose.  

1.    Society has redefined masculinity and pushed us to embrace our "feminine side". WHAT?! As men we can have feelings, we can laugh and cry together at the appropriate times, but we shouldn't have to become women to do that.  Or there's the other extreme where we try to show off how macho we are all the time.  Who hits hardest and burps the loudest? He's the man. Wrong. Mark Driscoll has a great sermon here about where real masculinity is and how it's neither of those. 

2.    Another issue is how we spend our time, especially college-aged men.  I'm not saying older guys don't deal with this too, but in college (and even high school) I wasted a lot of time on video games, browsing the internet and watching TV/movies.  We don't accept responsibility and we spend every free second we have on fleeting stuff. I like video games. A lot actually.  But when we stand before God to be judged will we be able to say that the time we spent playing games actually meant anything?  When I start playing a game I have this unexplainable impulse to know every detail of the story and beat all the sidequests to 100% completion. WHY?  Does it develop my character? Does it help me love my neighbor or my wife?  Does it bring me closer to God?  But that's getting into another subject that I want to talk about some other time: idolatry
   What this boils down to is laziness and selfishness.  We aren't pushed to work hard or take responsibility so we play all day.  We're old enough to be grown ups, but we've settled for acting like little kids.  




The Solution:  We need boys to grow up and be men.  Men who aren't afraid to fight the good fight for integrity and purity, both personal and for their families.  Men who teach their boys to grow up and be men and who teach their daughters that they are loved and shouldn't settle for immature little boys.


But how do we get there?


1. Salvation.  Jesus was the ultimate man.  Not the lame girly Jesus with silky hair and a soft glowing radiance that we always see in Sunday School pictures:

This guy. Not really masculine. But the Jesus who was the ultimate counter-culture figure?  Who told society that women and children were worth more than just property;  the same Jesus that made a whip and drove money changers out of the temple; the same Jesus that will come back with his robe dipped in blood, out of whose mouth will come a sword to strike down the nations? He's definitely masculine. Sounds awesome right?  We are promised all of His power through the Holy Spirit if we will ask Him to forgive our sins and be our Lord. Until we have Salvation through Jesus Christ's death and resurrection we are incapable of doing anything different.

2.  Take responsibility.  Make Christ your (our) priority.  We spend time reading the Bible and praying, and being involved in the local church body.  The more we know him and adjust our lives to true Biblical manhood, we will see a change.  What does that look like practically? Stay tuned for more Man Talks to find out.






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PS - I just saw this commercial for the new Double Down from KFC.  If this isn't an insult to manhood I don't know what is.  This is so laughable.  First, this has to be the most unhealthy thing on the planet for you. And then they write the commercial so they may as well be saying "If you're a man, you better get to KFC pronto and start shoving these in your face! You girl!"  Please.  If you have any self respect you will not let fried chicken determine what is manly for you. That is all.

 

Gardening and Man Talk

I was holding off on posting about this until I knew that Grimm hadn't destroyed it. I think it's safe to say he now has the understanding of what will happen enough to stay out.

This past weekend we put together the frame for the raised bed and planted some plants in pots in the garden. We (by which I mean Ricci) got all the mulch and dividers straightened out. We planted tomato, marigold (thanks Adam), petunias, citronella, mint and lamb's ear in pots, and we have jalepeños and bell peppers that are waiting to be put into the raised bed. I just don't quite trust my dog enough to leave them alone without some sort of border so we don't have any dirt or plants in the raised bed right now.






And here's the table my folks got us for my birthday. Check out the sweet Texas star base for the umbrella.




Also get ready because I think I'm gonna start have Man Talk Thursdays. I'm taking two classes at church (Experiencing God and The Man Class) as well as co-directing Cubbies and I'm learning a lot about Godly manhood and leadership. So next week I'm going to start passing along the little bit of wisdom that I've accumulated.

Actually I will say this for Man Talk right now:

I think every guy should read Wild at Heart by John Eldridge, Every Man's Battle by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey and Six Battles Every Man Must Win by Bill Perkins.

All three tread on similar ground and some even repeat each other but it's all Godly advice so we call that reinforcement. Every Man's Battle deals with how sexuality has permeated our society and how we as men allow God to free us from sexual sins. Wild at Heart and Six Battles go more into Godly masculinity. WaH speaks more about how God has designed men, how we deal with wounds in our past and how we start acting like mature Christians. Six Battles is similar but with an emphasis on David's Mighty Men as examples of how if we put our lives in God's hands and stop settling and being passive He can make us into bad dudes. And by bad dudes I mean men that don't compromise and who get angry and fight not for stupid things like sports teams but for what matters to God.

It's been a tough semester of self examination and ironing out a lot of little areas where I say no to God or just roll over and settle for passivity. But I can't remember a time in my life where I've grown as much. Okay I have to stop for now or I'll go on forever. Thanks for dropping in.